Fear

"If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." (1John4:15-18)

Came across this scripture today in another blog that I read and it stuck out to me. Fear is a very big struggle of mine. Has been for a very long time. I have lived most of my life living in fear. Fear of bad things happening. Fear of losing people. Fear of what others think. Fear of being abandoned, left. If you were to look at me, you wouldn't know it. I hide it well. Only a few can tell. Sometimes the fear is so crippling that I am unable to do anything. I will talk myself out of things. (Self esteem and self worth are two other big struggles) I run from things. I fear for the safety of my family when they are not with me. I could go on and on. Needless to say that it's a giant, daily struggle for me. I often feel like a horrible christian because of the fear. It's one of the things that I want to conquer in my life this year. I need to remember that it's perfect love that casts out all fear. And that perfect love is God's. Not mine, my husband's or anyone elses. They all pale in comparisson and fail miserably. Only God's love is perfect and therefore good enough to cast out all fear. I need to lay that fear down at the foot of the cross where it belongs. To lay it at the feet of Jesus and rest in His perfect love. For a healthier me and so I don't pass the behaviour on to my children. So needless to say this scripture is one that I will be memorizing and keeping close by.

Forgot to put this in......

Just realized I wanted to put this up. Saw this video the other day and had major goosebumps. I love this worship song (How Great Is Our God by Chris Tomlin) but then I heard this version and about flipped. The thought that kept going through my head? Is this what it's going to sound like in heaven? All of us singing the same song but in our own language. Gives me chills!!!!!!

Long Time No Blog

Well, it's been a long while. Many things have happened over the years. We've added a little girl to the family so now I am a mom of three. Logan is in full day school in grade one and Casey is now in junior kindergarten. Time has flown so fast. I am still co-pastoring Infuzion with Jason. Still working on the photography (hoping that it will all fall together and become a career at some point)and have now picked up guitar. (Much to my fingers chagrin, lol) I also now have my G1 so I am on my way to driving by myself finally!

I have my struggles still. Somedays I feel like I am going around the same mountain that I have been around for years and other days I feel like I have finally put it in my rearview mirror. But regardless I try to trudge on and hope to finally see myself as God sees me.

This past year, just before Christmas, we lost Jason's grandmother. She had alzheimers so it has felt like we were losing her a little at a time. It was hard explaining to Logan why Momsie didn't remember who he was. (It still brings tears to my eyes when I remember the look on his face when he realized she didn't know who he was) It was even harder to explain to him that Momsie had died. He asked some pretty interesting questions and still brings it up now. Casey on the other hand asked if Momsie disappeared like in Star Wars (lol Daddy's boy or what?) but has also asked why Momsie can't come back from heaven. Oh the joys of life. Easy to understand why death feels so unnatural!

I am going to try and blog more this year. I have some goals this year of things I want to accomplish, things I want to do, and places in my walk I want to be. It outta be an interesting journey!